Something Wretched About This
by TheMagic8Ball
Summary: Before Tris and Four, and before the Divergent rebellion, there were two girls to be transferred into new factions. This story explains how Evelyn Eaton and Jeanine Matthews knew each other before the divergent series even happened. Their complicated relationship of rivalry and secrecy joins them together in a lifetime of stories neither will ever forget.
1. Don't Try to Fix Me

**Ok, this is a new FanFic I'm going to be writing about how Jeanine Matthews and Evelyn Eaton knew each other. Watching Insurgent, when they met again, I was left wondering what their story together was because there was obvious emotion between them. Yes, obviously, Jeanine was surprised to see that she was alive, but there was also something else there. I'm not going to spoil anything about how the story is going to go, but if you have any questions throughout the story, please ask because I'd really love to know how you guys feel about this theory. **

**~8Ball**

* * *

_/ PROLOGUE /_

She woke up, the sounds of screaming still ringing in her eardrums.

It was just a dream, similar to the ones that plague her almost every night. It drove her insane to know that there was nothing she could do to stop the recurring nightmares from coming back. They're always the same, sometimes having small differences in detail, but the end result is always the same; she dies.

* * *

Evelyn knew that stepping onto the stage would mean leaving her parents, but there was nothing she could do about it. She couldn't stay in Erudite, it wasn't where she belonged. At least, it's not where she felt she belonged. She wasn't smart enough, and she knew that. It was only a matter of time before everyone else discovered it too. The test would show for sure though. That was another thing she was worried about; the test. What if she failed and they had to pull her out of the sim? A rumor about a man who died during the sim popped into her mind and she shuttered. It couldn't be true though, could you really die in a sim? She shook her head and picked the **four** heavy books back up. Turning towards the exit a moving figure caught her eye. Meet gazes, a chill runs up her spine.

Frozen ice blue eyes stared right back into her own and for a moment, she couldn't breathe. It was like someone had cast a spell on her and she forgot how to take air into her lungs. The tall, curved figure that stood across the library, walking past her, glanced her way in the brief moment that Evelyn had glanced too. Evelyn had heard of her before, seen her occasionally, but never had they even made eye contact like this before. Matthews, she thought her name was, Jeanine Matthews. Holding the highest IQ in the entire faction, there wasn't a single person who hadn't heard about her. She was destined for greatness, something Evelyn greatly envied. Quickly, in that split second they had locked gazes, Jeanine looked away, so casually, like she had never even seen Evelyn, like she didn't even matter to her. She didn't. Well, at least, she didn't then.

* * *

Days after their encounter, Evelyn couldn't get the thought of Jeanine out of her head. It didn't help that everyone was constantly talking about her. People had great expectations for what Jeanine was capable of, and Evelyn's parents always made sure to remind her that Jeanine was better than her. It was no surprise though, everyone in the entire faction was better than Evelyn.

The day of the Aptitude Test came along and Evelyn was more nervous than she had ever been. Who wasn't though? This was the biggest day of every 16 year old's life. Jeanine probably wasn't nervous. She probably knew exactly how things were going to go. Rolling her eyes at the though of it, Evelyn left her house and pushed through the crowds of people heading for the same place, for the same thing.

Abnegation, Erudite, Amity, and Candor all lined up in four long rows, waiting to get tested. Dauntless was the only faction who hadn't arrived, to no one's surprise of course, they always had to have a big entrance. People always turned and stared at whatever kind of appearance the Dauntless members decided to make, it was exciting for lots of people. Everyone else just thought it was obnoxious.

Shouts and cries from far away started to be heard after a while, and soon enough, the Dauntless members started to appear over the horizon. Coming from behind the lines of people, they climb over buildings and through statues. They always make their trip harder than it needs to be. Cheers and yells become more audible as they grow closer, making everyone else anxious. Sometimes, Evelyn wondered what it would've been like if she had been born into Dauntless, if she would have fit in more. It just seemed so fun...so...free, like you could do anything. Unfortunately, she wasn't born into Dauntless. Today though, that wouldn't matter.

After what seemed like forever later, it was Evelyn's turn into the testing room. Nerves overcame her and she found herself shaking.

"Here, lay down." The woman with her was tall and skinny, her red hair curled up near her ears. Pretty, she looked young, but she had to be at least 30 years old. She didn't look it, that was for sure. "You're nervous." She says, looking into Evelyn's eyes.

"Yeah, well, it's hard not to be." Evelyn said, taking a deep breath and laying her head back on the hard leather chair.

"Well, I'm sure you'll do fine." She smiles sweetly and turns towards her little tray. Taking out a long needle with a little bottle on the end, Evelyn winces, thinking of it entering past her skin, injecting whatever serum was contained inside of it into her bloodstream. "Don't worry, it won't hurt too bad." The woman says, noticing Evelyn's discomfort.

She nods and closes her eyes as the needle enters her neck. It didn't hurt a lot, but there was a slight pain as she pulled it out.

"There, now drink this." She holds up a small cup with some sort of blue liquid in it. Not wanting to question what it was, Evelyn drank it quickly and set her head back once more. She started to feel drowsy and soon enough, she had slipped away into the sim.

* * *

"Help!"

Her eyes shoot open and there's a cliff in front of her. Where did the cry come from? Looking around she sees the little boy hanging from the cliff, his hands starting to slip.

"Help!"

It's a different voice this time and to the right, there's another person hanging from the cliff. It's her.

Eyes widening, Evelyn freezes. What is she supposed to do? Save the boy and let herself die? Or save herself and let the innocent child fall to his death?

"Hurry!"

Without thinking, she spins around and grabs the hand of the little boy. She looks into his eyes and sees the dark brown spheres staring back at her. There's a familiar name at the tip of her tongue but she can't quite put her finger on it. His name. What is his name?

"Tob-" She's cut off.

"How could you?" In less than **four** seconds, the scene changes, and she's standing in a grey room with only one other person; herself. "How could you?"

"I-"

"You couldn't even save yourself?" She looks mad. No wonder.

"I couldn't leave the boy." What was his name again?

"You didn't even know him! What about me?!" She's yelling now. Evelyn flinches. "Why not me?!"

"Because-"

"You're unbelievable!"

"Because I'm not worth it!"

* * *

She sits up so fast that the world starts spinning around her.

"Woah, easy there." The woman's hand is on her shoulder, keeping her from falling back.

Evelyn looks around, slowly realizing that she's no longer in the sim. "Wha-" it's hard to speak.

"You're results came back." She says, smiling slightly. Evelyn looks at her confused for a moment.

"What- what was it?" Evelyn asks, scared and disoriented.

"Abnegation. Congrats, Stiff." She smirks and pats Evelyn on the back. "Of course, it's up to you to actually choose." She helps Evelyn up and leads her out.

"Thanks." Evelyn says, still in a trance.

_**Congrats, Stiff**_


	2. I'm Not Broken

Evelyn had already decided that she was going to do to Abnegation, it's not like she had any other place in mind. Her test told her that's where she belonged, so she might as well join. She wouldn't fit in anywhere else. Her parents would be happy to see her go, she'd always been a disappointment to them, and she knew it. They wanted a highly intelligent child that would live for them, and Evelyn was anything but that. She didn't care that they wouldn't miss her, she didn't like them anyway. Sure, she wanted them to love her, but she knew it wouldn't happen, so she just gave up on them. It didn't bother her as much anymore.

Making her way home, she thought of how her parents would react to the news. Would they at least act upset about it? Probably not. Oh well, it's not like she expected anything more of them then that. She would be lucky if she got a hug before the ceremony.

* * *

Jeanine had taken her test after Evelyn had, and she had gotten the exact results she had wanted;

There wasn't much talking while the woman gave her the serum. There was no need, this was strictly business, everything was with Jeanine. She didn't make a lot of friends, she didn't like getting attached to people, it didn't end well.

The needle stung a little, but she didn't flinch, she wasn't scared of this. Slipping into sleep, she took a deep breath and prepared herself for what she would face in the simulation.

She wasn't scared. She never was. There was always a logical explanation to why something was happening or how to stop it from happening. Jeanine always knew what that explanation was.

"Help!"

There is a large cliff in front of her, and looking around she sees a small child dangling from it, barely hanging on. Her first instinct is to, of course, help the child, but then she sees the twist to the situation.

"Help!"

This time, it's a different voice, and she turns to see someone else hanging. Not surprisingly, the man hanging there is a complete stranger. Knowing that she couldn't just leave both people there to die, she looked around for another possible way to solve the situation.

Simple, there was a large tree to her left. Perfectly enough, there were vines dangling from its branches. She smirks, satisfied with the choices she has been given. Easy. Quickly, she moves to the tree and breaks off a large branch, taking vines with her. She'll make a pully. Tying the two together, she calmly walks back over to the people.

Without a seconds hesitation, she throws the stick at the man, holding onto the vine herself. The child yells out as it falls. Swiftly, Jeanine reaches out and grabs its hand. She had been close enough to the child when she threw the tied stick at the man that she could grab its hand, successfully saving both of them.

Smirking, she finally looks down at the child, it was a boy.

"Pet-"

She sits up, in shock from the familiar face she had just seen. Why had it been him? Breathing heavily, she turns to the woman to hear her results.

"Oh don't act so nervous." The woman doesn't even look at her. "Erudite." She says blankly. "And I would remind you to not share your results with anyone, but its not like anyone expects anything different." There is almost a tone of annoyance in her voice, and Jeanine was almost hurt by it.

"Thank you." She says, standing up and flattening her dress out before proceeding to leave the building.

Why had the woman been so rude? What had she done to her to make her so annoyed? Or was it just jealously that made her so bitter? Maybe. Usually Jeanine knew the answer to things like this, but she was too thrown off to actually think straight.

Did everyone actually think that way about her? She always knew that people knew she was extremely intelligent, but she didn't know that people knew exactly how she was going to turn out to be. It bothered her really, that she was so predictable like that. Not many people knew about her personal life, which was good, but they knew about everything else with her and that wasn't ok. She'd hate to have everything already planned out for her without her even knowing.

And what about the boy in the simulation? Why had he been there? Why bring him back up after years of repressing the thought. It wasn't good to be so raw, so...open, like this. It hurt to feel pain. Usually she repressed any feeling since they got in the way of her search for knowledge, but now it was like someone ripped open a scar that had come so close to healing. It was like pouring acid all over an open wound, and she didn't like it. If there was a way she could forget about the boy, about Peter, she would. Unfortunately, mind wiping was a thing...yet.

Jeanine, had never let herself fully get attached to anyone or anything, she had realized at a young age that it was dangerous to become attached. The pain that came from losing a loved one was beyond anything you could ever put into words, and she didn't plan on ever feeling it again. Unfortunately, it wouldn't be an easy plan to follow.

* * *

**There is the end of chapter two. The simulation was the same for everyone like it was when Tris and Tobias took it just fyi. If anyone has any questions, feel free to ask me.**

**~8Ball**


	3. At Last My Love Has Come Along

There was a two day preparation before the actual choosing ceremony so that the initiates could have time to decide which faction. That is, if they tried to chose one that went against their results. In that time, Evelyn's nerves grew greater every time she thought of how her parents would react to her decision. It was strange really, she never cared about what her parents thought, or at least she acted like she didn't, but now it was like that's all she could think about. She didn't go out much, school was canceled in those few days so that there wouldn't be any distractions. It was good because it meant that Evelyn wouldn't have to go outside and see anyone. She could just stay in her room and soak in her own worry. Eventually though, she'd have to come out and do something.

"Evelyn!" A familiar voice called from down the stairs in her house. It was her mother. "Come down here."

Groaning, Evelyn climbed out of bed and dragged herself down the stairs, dreading what her mother would have to say to her. Whatever it was, her dad was likely to be there too. They always did things as a team. It would've been sweet if their teamwork wasn't always nagging Evelyn about something she was doing wrong.

"Yes Mother?" She said, trying her best to remove any annoyance from her voice.

"Your Father and I have decided that you have been cooped up in your room for too long now." With one hand on her hip, she turned to glance at Evelyn's father for backup.

"You need to go out and get some fresh air, it'll help you make your decision." her father didn't even look up from his newspaper.

"You can't be serious." Evelyn said, growing anxious.

"Don't talk back, Evelyn." Her mother said, ending any argument that could have grown between them like she always did. "It's for your own good."

Without another word, Evelyn glared at her mother for a moment and turned to leave the house. That's how it always works in her household. Her mother dominated and made sure that no one ever disagreed with her. She couldn't stand the fact that anyone could ever think anything different from her own opinion.

"It's for your own good..." Evelyn said, mocking her mother in a high pitched voice. She shoved her hands in to her pockets and kicked a rock that had been sitting in her path. Why couldn't she just stay in her room and pretend that she didn't have to make a life changing decision in less than two days? Her parents just always had to ruin everything.

She walked until she had calmed down enough to actually rest. She wasn't quite sure where she was, but she wasn't worried about getting home so it didn't bother her. Besides, she was in the middle of the city, its not like she could get lost, there were people everywhere.

There was a bench next to a large fountain, so she sat there. Its not like she had any friends around at the time, so all she could do is sit there and look around. It wasn't the most exciting thing she'd done, but it was interesting to see everyone.

"Ah-" There was a clatter of noise to the left of her. Turning around, she saw a girl who had fallen onto the ground. There were books around her and papers scattered everywhere. Quickly, Evelyn stood up and went over to her. "Shit..." The girl was fumbling around, trying to gather her things back up.

"Here, let me help." Evelyn got down on her knees to help gather the materials.

"Thank you." The voice almost sounded familiar...almost.

"There, are you ok?" She handed the rest of the things to the girl and waited for her to look up so she could actually see who it was that she had just helped.

"Yes, I should be fine." She looked up and for the second time, they made eye contact.

It was Jeanine, and Evelyn was so shocked, all she could do was stare. Speechless, they both were still as stone.

"I shouldn't be walking around with so many books like this." Jeanine said, breaking the silence, but not managing to break eye contact.

"Yeah..." It was so weird that Evelyn were to have encountered her like this. Two completely different people, they shouldn't have ever even talked, it wasn't the natural order of things. Finally, Evelyn managed to break out of her trance and snap back to reality. "I didn't think you'd be the one to use that sort of language." She said, smirking.

"Wha-" Jeanine said, confused at first. "Oh...well...usually I'm not." Jeanine said, almost smiling. "It's just that sometimes its necessary for the situation at hand. Sometimes it just slips..."

"Here, let me help you." Evelyn said, taking some of the books and standing up. "Where are you heading to?" She asked, planning on helping Jeanine get to wherever she had been trying to go.

"Um...I had to return these to the library, so that's where I was going." She said, picking up the rest of the books and standing up along with Evelyn.

"Well then I guess its my duty now to help you." Evelyn said, smiling.

"You don't have to, I'm sure I can-"

"No, no, I insist." She said, nodding in agreement with herself.

"Alright then, lets go."

* * *

**Can we all just pretend like I didn't write this entire chapter listening to At Last by Etta James? **

**~8Ball**


	4. There's Something Lonesome About You

They walked in silence for a little while before Evelyn decided to speak up.

"So is this what you usually do?" She asks curiously, hoping to start some sort of conversation between them.

"In my spare time, yes, this is what I usually do." Jeanine replies, keeping her eyes forward.

"Doesn't it get boring?" She couldn't imagine doing this everyday, she definitely wasn't meant to be in Erudite.

"No, why would it?"

"Oh I don't know, it just seems boring, never doing anything fun, just sitting there...reading." Evelyn shrugs, almost dropping the books she was carrying.

"But that's just it, it _is fun_." Jeanine says, looking over at Evelyn for a brief moment.

"Yeah...I'm definitely not Erudite." Evelyn muttered to herself, chucking softly.

"What?"

"Nothing." She says quickly, hoping Jeanine didn't hear what she had said.

"Here." Jeanine says, turning to Evelyn.

They had arrived at the library, and looking up at it was certainly intimidating, Evelyn would certainly never get used to that feeling. It towered at a huge seven stories. Evelyn had only ever gone up to level **four**.

"I think I'll manage from here." Jeanine said, nodding for Evelyn to give her the books.

"No, no, my job is not done yet, I have to make it inside. Besides, we wouldn't want you falling like that again." Evelyn smirks, wanting to see how Jeanine would react to her words.

Jeanine squinted at her and sighed heavily.

"Fine, alright." She turns back and walks into the library.

Evelyn waits a couple seconds, smiling to herself, before following her inside. She didn't even realize how good this made her feel. She felt...useful.

* * *

After they had dropped the books off, Jeanine turned to Evelyn and sighed.

"Well...I guess this is goodbye then." She holds out her hand for Evelyn to shake. So formal.

Evelyn looks down at Jeanine's hand and bites the inside of her mouth nervously.

"Hold on, I haven't even told you my name yet." She chuckles, realizing it herself.

"Oh..." Jeanine blushes softly, knowing that she went this whole time without even asking her name. Another detail she missed. How?

"It's Evelyn, Evelyn Johnson." She takes her hand and shakes it, noticing her fingernails. It looks like she bites them. Nerves maybe? Jeanine would've been the last person on earth Evelyn would've guessed to have nerves. She always seemed to calm, so sure of herself.

"Well it's nice to meet you, Evelyn." She smiles politely and lets go of her hand.

"You too, Jeanine." She smiles, seeing the look of confusion on Jeanine's face.

"How did you-"

"Oh, come on, everyone knows you." Evelyn shook her head. "You're literally the smartest person in the entire faction."

"Right..." Jeanine tried not to look disappointed, but she knew she couldn't hide all of it.

Evelyn was taken back and she stopped smiling. Had she said something wrong?

"Did I-" She started. Jeanine cut her off.

"I have to go now, I have a lot of catching up to do. It was nice to meet you, Evelyn." Without letting her say anything in reply, Jeanine turned and walked away, hoping Evelyn wouldn't follow her.

Confused and a little hurt, Evelyn watched Jeanine disappear behind bookshelves. What had just happened? She shook her head and turned around.

Jeanine bit her lip and sat down at the end of one of the bookshelves. Pulling her knees to her chest, she buried her head in her crossed arms. Is that really how everyone thought of her? Just another walking, talking IQ score. Would she ever actually be able to meet someone who didn't already know about her? It was exhausting, having to keep this up all the time. There was no escape, it was like she was trapped in a metal box and the **four** walls were closing in around her. She was trapped, and there was no one to help her out.

* * *

**Ugh sorry that was so short guys, I promise they'll get longer again. I love how the song lyric titles are finally matching with the chapters! Lonesome relating to how Jeanine feels if none of you caught on to that **( ﾟヮﾟ)

**~8Ball**


	5. Just Promise You'll Think of Me

After a little while, Evelyn left, feeling guilty about what had happened with Jeanine. Confused, she walked back home. Should she have just left her there? She didn't think there was much else she could have done for Jeanine so she decided that it was ok for her to leave. After all, it didn't seem like she wanted Evelyn to be there anymore.

What had happened though? She had never seen Jeanine display any real emotion. She was more of a machine than a human, but Evelyn had never really wondered why. She always thought that Jeanine's intelligence came easily to her, like she didn't even try. Maybe she was wrong, and though Jeanine was naturally brilliant, that didn't mean that she wasn't pushed.

* * *

Jeanine sat like that for a while, trying to keep her cool. If anyone saw her like this what would they think? She should be studying, she should be doing something productive with her time, not..._feeling_. Taking a deep breath, she stood up and flattened her dress back out again. 'Human nature is the enemy, human nature is the enemy.' She repeated in her head, reminding herself of what her mother had told her when she was young. Closing her eyes, she put the wall she had worked so hard to delicately build back up and then she walked out of her hiding spot. There was no point in being upset. She should be happy and stop being so selfish. 'You are nothing more than an IQ score, don't forget that.' She tells herself as she goes into the science section.

* * *

Evelyn's mother was pleased to see her back so late. That, to her, meant that she had spend the day actually doing something.

"How was your trip?" Her mother asks her as soon as she walks in through the door.

"Fine." Evelyn says, making her way past her mother, heading towards the stairs.

She could practically hear her mother roll her eyes.

"Specifics, Evelyn." There was annoyance in her mother's voice and that only made Evelyn more upset.

"Mother, if I wanted to share the specifics of my trip with you, I would've done just that the first time you asked me." She snapped, turning back to her mother.

This was how their conversations usually went. Her mother wasn't very good at being a mother and Evelyn wasn't very good at being her daughter. It was like a war zone in their house and there was almost never a quiet moment when they were in the same room.

"You will do as I say, Evelyn, I am your mother." She says, putting her hands on her hips. Now its Evelyn's turn to roll her eyes.

"Whatever." She is too tired to argue, so she simply leaves her mother there and continues up to her room.

"Evelyn Johnson, get back down here this instant!" Her mother calls from down the stairs.

Evelyn ignores her and continues her seemingly long journey up to her room. Her mother would give up eventually, she always did. Evelyn leaned at a young age that her mother wasn't easy to please and a few failed tries made her mother impatient and frustrated. Eventually, she would just give up on Evelyn. She always told herself that it was ok because she was used to it, but lately she didn't think that she should have to be used to it.

* * *

That morning, Evelyn woke up late and she didn't even realize it was the day of the Choosing Ceremony until her father called for her from downstairs.

"Coming!" Evelyn called, making her way down the winding path of stairs from her room.

"Your mother and I would like to say something before you making your choice." Whenever he says 'your mother and I' he never means it. Its always him that means it, she's just going along. "We just want you to know that _we _support any choice you make." He obviously stressed the we's. My mother nodded, but didn't look Evelyn in the eyes.

"Thank you." She says, smiling at her father softly.

A hug from her father and a very short hug from her mother ended the conversation, and just like that, they left the house.

* * *

Jeanine wasn't nervous, she knew what she wanted and she knew she was going to get it. There were no questions to be left unanswered. Nothing to fear, nothing to doubt. She'd always known where she was going to go, and apparently, everyone else did too. There was, however, a little voice inside of her that pushed her to choose something else instead, but she knew she wouldn't.

On the way out, she met up with Andrew Prior, a close friend of hers.

"So?" He questions. He was walking in front of her, yet walking backwards so he could look at her.

"Yes?" Jeanine asked, not expressing any emotion. It was ok though, Andrew was used to it.

"What are you going to pick?" He asks, excitedly. There is a note of sadness in his voice, almost unnoticeable to anyone but Jeanine, there was nothing she missed.

"I think you already know the answer to that." She says back, suppressing a sigh.

"Yeah...I guess." He looks down and stops walking backwards, changing to walk next to her.

"I'm sorry Andrew." She looks over at him, feeling the slightest bit of sadness forming in her heart.

"Its ok. I mean, it was bound to happen." He doesn't look up though, and his words don't match his demeanor. Jeanine wont point that out though, she doesn't know what else to say to make him feel better. They were going to be separated, it was the inevitable yet horrible fate they both knew would come.

When they were at least four minutes away, Andrew stopped Jeanine and looked her in the eyes.

"I'll never forget you Jeanine, I hope you know that."

She smiles softly, letting the slightest bit of emotion show through.

"I'll never forget you either, Andrew. You were there for me when no one else seemed to be." She says honestly. Holding her hand out for him to shake, she holds back the small amount of water that had threatened to fill her eyes and stumble over her cheeks.

Looking down at Jeanine's hand, Andrew ignored it and came forward to hug her. He was never one for formality, she should have known he would've done something like that. On this occasion though, she didn't seem to mind.

Once he pulled back, Jeanine looked into his eyes and recognized what had been off about him. It was him that she had seen. The young boy in the simulation had been him. Her heart almost stopped and she felt a swell of pain sweep through her. Today was the day she would say goodbye to her only friend. Today would be the day another part of her died. Andrew carried with him something that brought out a little bit of the human Jeanine still had left in her, and when he left, he took it with him.

That was the second day in her life that Jeanine Matthews let herself go. Let herself disappear along with the once clear memories of Andrew Prior. Their footprints together washed away as her last bit of human dipped under the surface of the growing hurricane that Jeanine Matthews had been turned into.

* * *

**Ok, there is the fifth chapter! Thank those of you who have favorited and followed this story so far. It really gives me motivation to keep writing! Also, special thanks to Speisla Cartoon Cartoon for giving me the idea to make Andrew Prior the boy in the simulation. I love all of your guys' ideas, and I can't wait to hear more. Also, I'm going to be changing the titles of the chapters to song lyrics that best fit the situation in the chapter so just be aware of that. Also also, I've been noticing that sometimes I use the words "I" or "you", but usually I correct it. However, if there is anything that I've missed, sorry about it, I'm just really used to RPing so I slip sometimes. Oops ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯**

**~8Ball**


	6. I Feel Like I'm Losing Control of Myself

**I think I'm going to explore into a little more of Jeanine and what she's going through. This chapter is going to be mostly about her/in her POV.**

**~8Ball**

* * *

"Abnegation!"

The sound of her past life slipping away from her sent chills up Evelyn's spine. Yes, she was glad to leave her parents, but she was scared for what would happen. On her way to her new faction's section, she glanced to the piercing gray eyes that had been staring at her previously.

Jeanine, obviously, had recognized Evelyn. She wasn't surprised by her choice, she had proven herself Abnegation when she helped Jeanine the day before. For some odd reason, she found herself feeling the slightest bit disappointed that she wouldn't be seeing the girl anymore.

* * *

It didn't hurt as much as she thought it would, cutting her palm open. It only stung a little, and the pain was soon forgotten anyway. Pain was a distraction, an unnecessary human emotion that Jeanine felt no regard to. Waving her hand over the bowl of water, she watched as the droplet fell into the bowl. It was fascinating really, the way the liquid blended together, causing different shapes at first, struggling to stay independent, but then, forced to conform, it transformed into something more, something greater than individual will. A system to conform to the greater good because what is better; A drop of water? Or an ocean?

"Erudite!"

She took a deep breath and turned away from the bowls. Oddly, she noticed that the men standing up with her were giving her weird looks. No matter, she turned and left the stage, gently putting the bandage to her hand. Dismissing them as ignorant, she sat down at her original seat and stared at her hand. She knew she had made the right choice, but still, something seemed off, and for once in her life, she didn't know what it was. That bothered her more than anything else.

* * *

The night she spent in the room with all the other initiates was sleepless. Not even trying, Jeanine lie awake, staring at the ceiling. She kept rubbing the bandage on her hand. There were red spots on it and it seemed like it hadn't stopped bleeding yet. It was a numb pain, a distraction, but now it was a good thing. She didn't want to think of anything except her hand. Pressing down, she inhaled sharply when she felt her thumb begin to get damp. The bandage had soaked through. Damn.

Quietly, not wanting to wake up anyone else, she walked to the bathroom to see if they had any new bandages. Knowing Erudite, she knew they would. They were smart.

She closed the door and turned on the light. Turning to the mirror, she could have sworn she saw someone behind her. Swallowing, she shook her head and opened the medicine cabinet. Sure enough, there was a box of bandages sitting on the middle shelf. Taking it down, she peeled the now red bandage off her hand and flinched softly when it passed over her cut. It looked bad, but it probably would've been mostly healed by now if she hadn't been pressing on it so much. She waited a little bit, looking down at it. She was in control of herself, not the pain. She could control that too. Tilting her head, she moved her thumb to the raw cut. She squinted at it, like it was futile to get rid of it. To wipe it out. It was a threat to her control and she couldn't have that. She chuckled and put a new bandage on. Whatever.

Closing the mirror, she saw him here and his words rang in her ears.

_"It won't hurt, I promise." _

She broke the mirror. Launching her fist at it, it shattered into pieces and scattered onto the floor. Her breath was shaky and her heart was beating too fast. No. No, pain is-

_"Stop, no."_

She squinted her eyes shut and covered her face with her hands. Shaking her head back and forth, she tried hard to push the memories from her head.

Pain was not necessary. Pain was one of the many human emotions Jeanine did not want to experience anymore. She didn't want it. She never asked for it.

* * *

_The men at the Choosing Ceremony had looked at her weird._

_It was because she cut too deep. _

_Why did she cut too deep?_

* * *

**Wow, I actually like the way that turned out, even though it was pretty short. I love the double meanings at the end (ಠ⌣ಠ). Be prepared for a lot of stuff over the next few chapters. If anyone has any input or guesses to what will happen next, please let me know! I love reading everyone's reviews. Do you guys think I should have a schedule to post these on, or do you care if I just post a whole bunch at once? Let me know soon because I have another chapter I want to post, I just don't know when to.**

**~8Ball**


	7. Don't Give it Up Just Yet

Evelyn knew it would be easy to pass the initiation tests, it didn't scare her. Even though she never really thought of herself as "selfless", she knew that deep down she was. She'd be fine. Sure, she wouldn't be one of the highest members, but she'd be good enough to pass and that was good enough for her.

* * *

The Erudite members were shocked to find the bathroom in tatters in the morning. While they crowded around the bathroom, their curiosity getting the bast of them, Jeanine stayed back and left without them. Ignoring her now completely bandaged right hand, she walked down the halls into the Canteen Block for breakfast. They could wait around while she got on with the day. It was no mystery to her what had happened to the mirror.

She sat down alone, clasping her hands together on the table in front of her. Looking around at everyone eating together, she realized that she wasn't hungry. It would be a waste of time anyway, she should be studying for the exams. That was more important right now. Eating seemed unnecessary, it was futile that she got other things done.

With that, she stood up and left the block, heading towards the library instead. That would be a better place to spend her time. At least there she could actually do something useful. Knowledge was more important than anything else, ignorance was to blame for the world's problems. She could never forget that.

* * *

Evelyn felt that she was prepared for the tests she would be faced with. Although they would have to go through training in the sims, she would try not to stress over it too much. After all, how hard could it be to be kind to someone? Then again, Abnegation is a little more than that. It's putting others before yourself, forgetting about your needs and focusing on other's. That shouldn't be too hard, right?

It's not like she wouldn't pass or anything, her test clearly said Abnegation, so she had to fit it. It was going to work, and that's why she wasn't worried. She trusted the system to give her the right answer. Still, there was something not quite right about her test results. Yeah, she fit into Abnegation, but there was something else, something she was missing, and she didn't know what.

* * *

"Do you know why we encourage initiates to eat breakfast Ms Matthews?" The faction leader, Arison Manson, asked, looking down at Jeanine skeptically.

"To promote good health and to prepare them for the day." She answered, looking him in the eyes. "But I was-"

"I don't need excuses Ms Matthews. You're an intelligent girl, I expect you to make the right choices." He was intimidating but Jeanine wasn't scared.

"There are only **four **minutes left for breakfast, it's too late to go back now." She replied, glancing at the clock.

"I'm going to have my eyes on you..._Matthews._" With that, he turned and left.

"Damn right you will." She muttered under her breath.

She planned to lead the faction to greatness. To eliminate the ignorant. There wasn't time for anything other than planning. She couldn't waste any time if she planned to overcome Arison. He was a tough act to follow, but she would be tougher.

She studied until he stomach started making noises. Looking at the clock, she saw that it was about 1:30. It hasn't felt like **four **hours, but obviously the clock isn't lying. Jeanine scowls at herself and shakes her head. No, he can't stop now while she's in the middle of the lobotomy section of the book. Her stomach could wait to be filled, right now she was busy. Too busy for anything else. She was just glad that the libraries were open 24/7. Unfortunately though, they weren't for her. Initiates had a curfew and she had to be back at her room by 7. At least she could check books out.

* * *

"Honestly though, I don't think anyone in the entire room was surprised with one of the people."

Matt was sitting across from Evelyn, talking to their little group of friends. Her, Matt, Jasper, and Winslet.

"Jeanine Matthews." They all said in unison. Evelyn didn't speak. She just kept picking at her salad. They were eating lunch, but Evelyn hadn't eaten a thing.

After the fit of chuckles died down, Jasper turned to Evelyn and tilted her head.

"What's wrong Evelyn?" She asked worriedly. Everyone else at the table looked at her too. She looked up and sighed.

"I don't know, I just feel weird." She said honestly.

"Oh, do you need me to take you to the infirmary, are you sick?" She asked, questioning her more. Evelyn swore that sometimes her friends were so sickenly nice she just wanted to hit them all.

"No, Jasper, not that kind of bad." Evelyn chuckled and shook her head. "It's an emotional bad."

"I'm sorry to hear that, if there's anything we can do to help, let us know." She looked at the rest of the group and they nodded.

"Thanks guys, I will." She smiled weakly and got up to leave.

Maybe she had made the wrong choice after all. This didn't seem right to her. But why had the test said Abnegation if Abnegation felt so..._wrong_? It just didn't make any sense. The test was supposed to tell her where to go, so why didn't it?

* * *

_When I was younger, you never said_

_When I was older, I'd feel helpless_

* * *

**I hope you guys enjoyed that chapter, I'm so sorry I took so long to write it, but my schedule has been crazy this week. Don't worry, I know how Jeanine and Evelyn are going to interact. No factions can hold these two apart! lol joking, but for real, they will find each other *squints ****evilly***

**~8Ball**


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